Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize