chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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