I'm sorry my penis didn't work
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
