i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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