I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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