Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
