Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
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I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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