So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize