oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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