Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
