Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
