My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
