Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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