dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
