my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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