Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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