oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you would pick up someone in the library
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
