are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
