my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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