Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
