Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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