: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
