Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
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We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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