my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm bleeding and have questions
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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