Sry I called you an 8
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
