Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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