Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
