i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I understand Curling. That high.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
