Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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