Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
