I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
