I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
