Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
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Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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