I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
