your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
