I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
