the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Vodka?
Forever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
