he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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