member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
