I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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