I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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