I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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