Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
