I must be too annoying 4 u.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
