One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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