I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
