batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
