I can't watch pbs sober anymore
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
