I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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