last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
