my vag is so smooth its legendary
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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