smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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