we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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