Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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