So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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