So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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