Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
