when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the day after is always just damage control
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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