Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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